Nature's God Discusses the Canonization of Saints with the Pope
A Dialogue by Raymond Fontaine, Ph.D. - May 6, 2003
Yesterday's Los Angeles Times reported that, on May 4 in Madrid's Plaza de Colon, Pope John Paul II celebrated mass before one million spectators. He also proclaimed the sainthood of five Spaniards, two priests and three nuns. Over the weekend, the crowds cheered the Pope relentlessly.
Somewhat disturbed by the Pope's popularity and proclamation, I had trouble falling asleep. When I finally did, my smoldering anxiety enkindled a recurring dream about God discussing religious issues with the Pope. This time they talked about the canonization of saints.
"John," God said, "welcome back to Rome after your spectacular weekend in Spain. Tell me, why did you go there?"
"I wanted to honor and please the Spanish people by canonizing some of their countrymen."
"On Saturday," God said, "you scored big-time with countless thousands of youths at the nearby military base. Their chants and cheers reminded me of an earlier rally at Woodstock for rock stars. This weekend, however, you were the star of the show. Then what happened?"
"Saturday was for celebration," the Pope said "and Sunday was for inspiration."
"I was impressed," said God, " by the million people overflowing the Plaza into the boulevards. The large video screens projected your person throughout the assembly. Giant paintings hanging from buildings imprinted the features of your saints on the minds of everyone never to be forgotten."
" My Lord," said the Pope, "did you see the king and queen near the altar? Did you notice the group of people who benefited from the saints' intercession in heaven and your intervention on earth?"
God nodded and added, "you evidently value the canonization of saints a great deal."
"Yes," the Pope answered, "I have already canonized 496 saints and I'm planning many more if you let me live longer."
"What's your rationale for proliferating the canonization of saints?"
"As you know, my Lord," the Pope explained, "humans need heroes to admire and imitate. For example, Mother Teresa helping the poor in India's slums has inspired countless people. My new saints, who also worked among the poor, will enkindle a lot more love of neighbor. Don't you agree?"
"Without question," God answered, "but the process of canonization and all that it implies is questionable. It rests on wobbly presuppositions like the following: (1) that I infuse a spiritual and immortal soul in every human before birth; (2) that there is an afterlife for humans; (3) that eternal heaven awaits the just after death; (4) that the saints in heaven intercede with God to help people on earth; (5) that I intervene and suspend the normal course of nature; (6) and that you proclaim, with infallibility, my intervening in nature at the request of a particular saint in heaven. Whew, what a fanciful structure of suppositions! Over five billion humans don't buy it. And I know that it just isn't so."
"I'll take your word for that," the Pope said. "Like you, I value the truth. What should I do now? Shall I convene the news media in Saint Peter's basilica and broadcast to the world that I'm not infallible, that there is no afterlife, no heaven, no miracles and no saints. Is that what you want, Lord?"
"Because of your exalted position," God said, "you could demolish in one blow not only the above doctrines but all the fictitious dogmas of your church. That would be dramatic indeed, but perhaps too drastic and devastating for some 900,000,000 Catholics worldwide."
"Then," the Pope asked, "what do you suggest that I do?"
" In 1969," God replied, "your church reviewed the calendar of its saints. It concluded that some of the saints, like Saint Christopher, never existed and that his story and that of other saints were mere legends. In one fell swoop, Pope Paul VI dropped their names from the church's calendar of saints. Without the support of the church and its priests, the devotion to those pseudo-saints is ebbing away down memory lane. In one or two more generations, St. Christopher will join Hercules and St. Ursula will join Venus in ancient mythology."
"Do you want me to drop a few more saints from the calendar?" asked the Pope.
"No," said God, "just stop making new saints. Tell your inner circle of cardinals to select as your successor someone who will honor my permanent moratorium on the canonization of saints."
"OK," said the Pope, "but what about the people's need for models and heroes?"
"Mother Teresa and your latest saints," God said, "are models because of what they did on earth. Accounts of their heroism and charity don't require their imaginary existence in heaven."
But," asked the Pope, "who will intercede with you to help the poor and the sick on earth?"
"Divine intervention," said God "is my business and my concern. Intercession by saints in a fictitious heaven don't influence my policy and actions on earth. For billions of years I managed the universe without the prodding of creatures. People should exploit their full potential and get help from other creatures while returning the favor to their neighbors. But for the moment, John, attend to freezing forever the canonization of saints. OK?"
"Amen to that," the Pope replied with a smile.
After that agreement between the Pope and God, my dream faded away. In moments, I awoke with my fingers crossed hoping that the Pope will keep his word.